Mary Anne and the Loving Memory of Kayla
by Elizabeth8289
Summary: When Mary Anne learned that Kayla died in her sleep while she was in school, she became upset and ended up being depressed. How can Mary Anne be happy again? What would she do without her best friend?
1. The Saddest News

The Baby-Sitters Club belong to Ann M. Martin

I was at school going to class. I didn't see Kayla in the hallways. Her locker is next to mine. I have her in some of my classes. She's probably at home. She has been struggling with leukemia for awhile now. And, she doesn't have much to live. I'm terrified of losing her. She's my best friend and I can't picture her being gone. I'd be crushed. In fact, we just hung out at her house yesterday. Her twin, Kaylee, was with us. We watched a movie and their parents let us to have a picnic in their living room. We had some sandwiches. I didn't leave there until around six pm.

I'm Mary Anne Spier. I'm 14 years old and a ninth grader at Stoneybrook High School. We had just returned from Spring Vacation and my family visited my grandmother, from my late mom's side, in Iowa and we get to bring Kayla along with us and we had a fun time.

Oh, it's actually her second battle. She won the first one when my friends and I did a fundraiser. It's a very long story on how she got it again. It all began when I had this worst memory ever: The Willis family had always invited me to go to New York City with them every weekend. One weekend, they had a fair. Kayla, Kaylee, and I were playing games when Kayla collapsed all of the sudden. I called 911 and she got rushed to the hospital. At first, we thought it was her appendix, but then, the doctors said something else was wrong with her. I was so upset. I haven't gotten back to any fairs ever since to avoid that terrible memory. I'm sensitive, so if anyone mentions the fair, tears would show up right away.

I have been supportive of Kayla during her illness. Like, I never left her side. I always stayed with her all this time. I'd take her place if she's too tired to help Kaylee baby-sit their six younger siblings. Kayla is grateful for that. All three of us are very close and would call ourselves sisters. We do everything together and Kayla would try to be with us when she's not tired. She does not like to be cooped in the house when she's exhausted. I don't blame her since leukemia never stops her from doing anything that she enjoys.

I was in English when an announcement telling us to go to the auditorium. I'm scared to find out. I wonder if it might be about Kayla. When we went there, I joined my friends. I noticed Kaylee wasn't there either. This is not a good sign.

"I wonder how come neither of the Willis girls are here today," I said. "I didn't see Kayla in my class."

"I didn't see Kaylee either," said Stacey who has Kaylee in her Math and Science classes.

Then, the principal came on the stage.

"I have bad news this morning," said the principal.

Uh-oh, I thought. Now, I'm getting more worried. I can feel butterflies in my stomach.

"I had a phone call from Mrs. Willis and told me that Kayla died at home in her sleep," said the principal.

"She can't be gone. I just hung out at her house yesterday," I said while my voice was cracking.

"I bet that might explain why Kaylee's not here," whispered Dawn.

"We will pray for the family during this tough time," said the principal. "Mrs. Amers is available to talk and she's welcome any students to see her anytime."

That was when I got up and left with tears rolling down. I couldn't believe that Kayla is dead now. In there, a teacher was looking for me to go back to class.

"Where did Mary Anne go?" asked my English teacher.

"She just got very upset and left here," said Kristy.

"I bet. Kayla was Mary Anne's best friend," said the teacher.

"Do you want one of us go find her?" asked Claudia.

"Of course, thanks," said the teacher. "I'm concerned about her now."

They left there and didn't see where I was. Barbara, who also heard the news in the auditorium, came out and offered to help out.

"I'll can go find her. I know how she feels," said Barbara.

She lost _her_ best friend last year from a car accident when a drunk driver hit the Freedman car. She's also in English with me again. I was crying my eyes out when she found me.

"It will be alright," said Barbara.

"I could not believe that my best friend is dead," I said. "When I noticed Kayla wasn't in, I thought it was the tiredness that caused it since that happened."

The rest of the class with the teacher who spotted me.

"There you are. I was looking for you," said the teacher.

"She was in here crying when I found her," said Barbara.

"I'm in shock. How could I make it through the day without my grades going down?" I asked.

"It's okay to be worried," said Barbara.

"I think the best bet is going home to avoid that," suggested the teacher. "I'll inform your father."

"I'm thinking about it, too," I said.

I was excused to leave the class, getting my things from my locker when Kristy saw and came to me.

"We were looking for you," said Kristy.

"I went back to class upset. They suggested I should go home," I said.

Then, I went home. When I got home, I went up to my room. In there, I was on my bed facing the other way. I remembered the locket she gave me last night before I came home for dinner. I remembered Dad was off from work. He was doing some errands. The bad part is that the teacher doesn't have his cell phone number. So, when the phone rang, I let the machine answer it, and it wasn't the teacher anyway. It was someone else for Sharon.

Dad came home two minutes later. I'm not sure if he knew I was home. He must have saw my door closed. He probably sensed something was wrong because he knocked on the door and came in when he noticed I was on my bed.

"You're home early," said my father as he sat with me. "Is everything okay, peanut?"

I turned over with tears still coming down.

"I found out Kayla died in her sleep today in school," I said trying not to weep again. "I was so upset that I got up and left the auditorium."

"That's a surprise since you just spent the day with her yesterday," said Dad.

"I said the same thing," I said. "When I noticed Kayla wasn't in school, I figured cancer was making her tired, but when I noticed Kaylee wasn't there, either, I knew it wasn't a good thing."

That made me starting bawling again.

"It'll be okay," said Dad stroking my hair.

"The teacher was the one who suggested I should come home because I had no idea how I was going to manage through the day without missing Kayla. I didn't want to fall behind and my grades might go down," I said.

"Oh, I wonder how Kaylee is taking it," said Dad.

"So do I," I said. "I'll see her when I'm in a better mood."

After school ended, Carlos said, "How's Mary Anne doing?"

"Still upset," replied Dad.

"Wow," said Carlos. "I know what's she going through."

"Me, too," said Meredith.

"Poor Mary Anne," said Carlos.

"Especially since she and Kayla were best friends," said Meredith.

"That's why she didn't take the news very well," said Dawn who came home two minutes later.


	2. Mary Anne's Tough Night

When they went out, I didn't feel like going out at all. I was too upset. Dad let me stay behind.

"What's going on?" asked Sharon.

"Mary Anne told me that Kayla passed away today in her sleep," said Dad. "She got very upset when she heard it at school. She was shocked since she was with Kayla yesterday."

"Wow, that's a surprise," said Sharon.

"I know," said Dad.

When they came back an hour later, Dad said, "I should go see how Mary Anne's doing."

When he came in to be with me, he noticed I was crying.

"How are you doing tonight?" asked Dad.

"Awful," I replied. "I'm really going to miss Kayla."

"I know, honey," said Dad stroking my hair.

At nine pm, I decided to go to bed. Perhaps, that can make me feel better. At midnight, I was still awake. I got up and came down. I was in the living room.

Then, Dad noticed me as he came in to join me and said, "It's late, you should be in bed."

"I couldn't sleep, that's all," I said.

"Is something bugging you?" asked Dad.

"I just couldn't stop thinking about Kayla at all," I said.

"Oh, I bet," said Dad.

"When we go back to bed, do you mind if I stay with you?" I asked.

"Sure you can," Dad replied with a grin. "It'll be alright."

"I know it would take time for me to adjust," I said.

"I believe it," said Dad.

I went back to bed with him. He told me I can try to think happy times that I had with Kayla.

"I'll give that a shot," I said.

I must have fallen asleep at last because two hours later, I was tossing and turning in bed while moaning. Dad must have heard me because he turned over and noticed that.

"Mary Anne, honey," said Dad as he sat up. "Mary Anne."

I was still tossing and turning and was still moaning.

"Mary Anne," said Dad as I woke up. "Are you okay now? You were tossing and turning."

"I must have been dreaming. The news about Kayla still bothers me too much," I said.

"Oh, it'll be alright," said Dad stroking my hair.

"I miss her. We were very close. I'll never forget her, not ever," I said hugging him.

"I know, sweetheart," said Dad.


	3. Mary Anne Tells Logan about Kayla

The next day, I didn't go to school at all. I was still in shock. Plus, I was tired since I didn't sleep well. I was still asleep when Dad and Sharon left for work. Later, I was still too upset to go _any_where. I had already called Mr. Hall to tell him not to get me for a few days and told him the reason. He felt bad for me.

That evening, I was in my room when Dad came in to be with me.

"Are you going to be alright, sweetheart?" asked Dad.

"It's going to take awhile for me to accept Kayla's death," I said.

"I bet," agreed Dad.

"The hard truth is that I enjoyed hanging out with her. I was attached to her," I said.

"Do you plan to attend the funeral?" asked Dad.

"I don't think I will. It would be too much for me- especially to see her buried," I answered. "I'll see how I feel first when the date is announced."

"Okay. The funeral services and the burial would be in New York City. Want to try the wake first?" asked Dad.

"Maybe," I replied.

Secretly, I don't think I'll go to any of it. If I start crying in front of everyone, I'd be embarrassed even though I did fine at Amelia's funeral. Later that evening, the phone rang and Dad came up.

"Mary Anne, it's Logan," said Dad.

"Okay, thanks," I said as I got the phone. "Hello."

"Hi. I didn't see you at school today," said Logan.

He wasn't in school when the principal announced the news yesterday.

"I was just too upset," I said. "The principal said Kayla died yesterday in her sleep."

"That stinks," said Logan. "I was sick. That's why I didn't know about it."

"Oh," I said.

Dawn already told me the other girls were surprised they didn't see me in school. She knew I was too upset to go anyway.

"Did Logan know about what happen to Kayla?" asked Dad.

"Yes, he felt bad for me," I answered.

"I bet," agreed Dad.

At dinner, I didn't eat too much and wasn't very talkative.

"You're quiet and not eating much," said Dad. "Are you alright, honey?"

"I'm still having a hard time missing Kayla. May I leave the table?" I asked.

"Of course," replied Dad as I got up and went to my room. "You can see she's not accepting Kayla's death."

"I know," said Sharon.

After dinner, Dawn said, "Is she going to help me with the kitchen?"

"I don't think she'd be in the mood to do that at this time. Give her some more time," said Dad.

"I agree," said Carlos. "Meredith and I can take over for now."

"Thank you," said Dad. "I'll go see how she's doing."

In my room, I was looking at the pictures of Kayla, Kaylee, and myself. Dad came in to be with me.

"How are you doing, sweetie?" asked Dad as he sat on the bed with me.

"I'm just looking at the pictures of the Willis girls and me," I said.

"That's a good way to keep Kayla in your memories," aid Dad.

"It is?" I asked as he nodded.

"To continue thinking of good times you had with her," said Dad.

"Would that work for me?" I asked.

"Yes," smiled Dad.

"I could try that," I said.

I wasn't so sure about that, but I knew Dad was right. I went to bed at ten, but I didn't go to sleep right away. I didn't remember fallen asleep at all because a few hours later, I woke up from a bad dream calling out for Kayla and I sat up in bed breathing heavily.

Dad came in to me and said, "Are you okay, honey?"

"I just woke up from a nightmare. It was based on that fair memory only Kayla died afterwards," I replied.

"Oh, it'll be alright," said Dad comforting me.

"I tried to keep those memories, but it's so hard to do so," I said.

"I know," said Dad.


	4. Mary Anne's Tough Choice

The next day, Dad showed me that Kayla was in the today's obituaries. I didn't recover to go places at the time.

"Her wake is on Friday night from six to eight and the funeral is on Saturday morning at nine in New York City. She will be buried at _New Montefiore Cemetery _on 500 5th Avenue # 1830," said Dad.

"I'll think about it, but I still don't think I'll go though," I said.

"It's up to you. You don't have to go if you don't want to," said Dad.

"I might make a decision by Thursday," I said.

"Okay," said Dad. "That's fine, sweetie."

"May I keep that part when you're done reading that?" I asked.

"I'm already done with it," replied Dad.

So, I cut it out to keep it. I liked her seventh grade picture.

If Kaylee decides to stay, too, I'll stay with her because I know she might be too heartbroken to attend as well. But I bet she'd forget about Kayla quickly because she can be very strong. In fact, she's stronger than I am! I wish I can be strong like her.

That afternoon, Kristy and the other girls came over to see me after school.

"Are you okay? We were concerned about you," said Kristy.

"I'm still upset about Kayla's death," I said.

"How's Kaylee doing?" asked Stacey. "We haven't seen her in school either."

"I haven't seen her yet to be honest with you. I wasn't in the mood," I said.

"Are you going to the wake and the funeral? Maybe I can go to support the Willis family for their tough time," said Stacey.

"Yeah," said the others.

"I don't know if I am. I'll make a decision before Thursday. Dad said I don't have to if I don't want to," I said. "I don't even know if Kaylee's going."

"Do you want to try the wake first?" asked Kristy. "Because if it's too painful for you, you don't have to attend the funeral."

"I'll wait and see first," I said.

"I'm sure if we all go together, you'd be just fine," said Kristy.

"I agree," said Claudia.

That made sense to me. Leave that to all of my friends who knew what to do.

That night, I was on the front porch looking pale when Dad gathered the neighborhood, who knew Kayla, near our house and said, "As we all know, Kayla had gone to heaven with the angels the other day. She was a terrific friend to my daughter. She was a beloved daughter, granddaughter, and sister. You're all welcome to join the Willis and attend the wake on Friday night and the funeral on Saturday morning in New York City."

"Let's now bow and pray," said Sharon.

That's what we did. Everyone except me. That was when I burst into tears and ran inside the house to my room slamming my door.

"Dear lord, please take good care of Kayla Willis. She had struggled with leukemia for quite awhile and I know she's with you so she won't suffer anymore. She was a very strong person no matter what happens. I know my late wife, Alma, will look after her, too. We will pray for her every night before we go to bed. I know she will always be around as my daughter's guardian angel to keep her in memories. Amen," said Dad.

"Amen," echoed the others.

"See you all this weekend and have a good night, everyone," said Sharon.

They all left to go back home.

That was when Sharon noticed I didn't stay on the porch.

"Where's Mary Anne?" asked Sharon. "She's not out here."

Dad noticed Sharon was right and looking for me.

"I bet she went in the house. I should go see her," said Dad. "I bet this was too painful for her to stay out here with us."

I was on my bed being curled up in a ball when Dad knocked on the door and came in to be with me. When he sat with me, he noticed I was sobbing. He stroked my hair to comfort me. I didn't notice he was there at first.

"Was it too much for you to remain out there with us?" asked Dad as I turned my head to him and nodded. "I thought so because we noticed you weren't out on the porch."

"I just couldn't stay out to pray too long," I was still weeping.

"It'll be okay now, honey," said Dad.

I sat up and hugged him while he was still stroking my hair. In the middle of the night, I couldn't sleep. I sat up in bed with tears rolling down.

"Are you okay?" asked Meredith who noticed that.

"I couldn't sleep. I still miss Kayla," I said.

"I bet," said Meredith. "I know how that feels."

"I'm glad I was able see her for the final time," I said.

"That happened to me when the letter was sent about my mom and sister while I was an exchange student here, remember?" asked Meredith. "You helped me through and now, it's my turn to do so."

What a great sister Meredith is since she knows on how I feel. I know Dawn is terrific, too.

"Why don't you sleep in my bed? I promise you'll feel better," said Meredith.

I smiled and got into her bed. This is why we love sharing a room. But I also know Dawn would do the same thing. I did begin to feel a bit better like Meredith mentioned. The next day, I went over to Kaylee's and rang the doorbell as Mrs. Willis answered.

"Hello, Mary Anne," said Mrs. Willis.

"Hi. How's Kaylee this morning?" I asked.

"She's doing a little better," said Mrs. Willis. "She still didn't go to school."

"I haven't gone to school either. I cried so much when I learned about Kayla's death," I said.

She let me in and I went to Kaylee.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi," said Kaylee who was trying to smile.

"Did you see Kayla in yesterday's obituaries?" asked Kaylee.

"Yes, Dad showed it to me," I replied, "I cut that one so I can keep it."

"So did I," said Kaylee.

"I might or might not attend the wake or the funeral because I don't want to be miserable all over again. I might make that choice tonight or tomorrow," I said.

"I am because I was supposed to read a poem about her during the funeral," said Kaylee.

"The other girls want me to go, but Dad said I don't have to if I don't want to," I told her.

"I don't mind if you end up staying," said Kaylee.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Positive," replied Kaylee.

I'm glad she wouldn't mind because I wasn't sure that she might get mad at me if I don't go. This is still one tough decision to make.

"At least I can pretend you're Kayla since you girls were identical," I said.

"That's true," agreed Kaylee as we hugged.

That night, I finally made a decision and went down to Dad.

"Dad," I said as I sat with him.

"What's up, peanut?" asked Dad when he noticed me.

"I made a decision. I'm going to try the wake and if it's going to get me upset even more, I'm not going to the funeral or see her buried," I said.

"Okay," said Dad. "That's fine."

"It was a tough one to make," I said.

"I'm sure it was," agreed Dad putting his arm around me.


	5. The Wake and Mary Anne's Big Decision

On Friday, we left for New York City after school ended for the weekend. I was with Kaylee in my dad's car after we had permission while the other crew took two cars. One in Mrs. Willis' car and the others in Mr. Willis's car. I was very quiet and Dad was the one who noticed that.

"You're pretty quiet this morning," said Dad.

"Are you nervous about the...?" asked Dawn.

"Don't make her upset even more," Dad interrupted Dawn.

"Don't cut me off," said Dawn.

"I knew what you were going to say. Don't ask Mary Anne anything that might upset her," said Dad.

"I agree. It's not a good time to mention it," added Kaylee.

In New York City, we were at the apartment. I spotted their grandfather and went to hug him.

"Hi, Mary Anne, I'm surprised to see you here," said Jeffrey.

"I figured I'd try the wake to see how it goes," I said.

"How are you doing?" asked Jeffrey.

"Not well. I didn't take the news very well," I said. "I haven't gone to school all this week."

"I bet," said Jeffrey.

"Hi, Gramps," said Kaylee.

"Hi, Kaylee," said Jeffrey. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm just trying to be strong," replied Kaylee.

I couldn't believe what I found out: she got strong now. Lucky her! But I decided to not to say anything at this terrible moment.

"Good," said Jeffrey. "Just keep going stronger every day."

My other friends arrived an hour later with the Willis family. Later, I was getting ready for Kayla's wake. I had a black dress on. After that, I went to Jeffrey.

"I'm getting a bit nervous to attend the wake. What if I act upset in front of everyone? I'd be so embarrassed," I said.

"It's okay to feel that way. Those feelings are normal," said Jeffrey.

"I did fine last time I went to a friend's funeral after she was killed in a car crash by a drunk driver before your family moved to Stoneybrook," I said. "So, I hope I would be okay tonight. That's what I'm worried about."

"Would you like to sit by me?" asked Jeffrey.

"Sure," I answered.

I'm glad he asked me that. Kaylee asked to do the same, so I agreed to do so.

I also wanted Dad to be near me, so I went to him and said, "Mind if you sit near me?"

"Of course," said Dad with a grin.

"Both Jeffrey and Kaylee asked me if they would want to sit near me as well," I said.

"That's good," said Dad.

"I know," I said. "I'm nervous about how I could act in a funeral. I'm scared to embarrass myself."

"It'll be alright," said Dad.

When I made sure Kaylee wasn't around, who was probably in the living room, I said, "I just learned Kaylee got strong before I did, but I choose not to say anything right now."

"You can always ask her what she did to become strong when the time is right," said Dad.

That made sense to me. Thank god Dad always know what to do.

"It's almost time to leave for the wake," announced Mrs. Willis.

"Okay," I said. "I'm ready to go anyway."

At the _Dodge-Thomas Funeral Home_, I saw Kayla in an open casket. I noticed the directors gave her a wig to get her ready. That was starting to bother me a lot. I knelt near her to pray and went to sit near Jeffrey, Dad, and Kaylee.

When it began, I tried very hard not to cry. When Dad noticed I was in tears, he took my hand to comfort me. Plus, Kaylee had her arm around me. I'm surprised she wasn't even upset at all. I mean, she was at the beginning and now, she got over it.

"If anyone wants to make a speech about Kayla, you're welcome to do so at the funeral mass tomorrow," said the funeral director.

I don't think that would be for me, especially when I feel emotional about my best friend- the one whom I just lost. I'd be afraid I would start weeping. In fact, Kayla would be my second friend to die. During the wake, I started crying. An hour later, I couldn't take it anymore and I got up heading to the lobby. At first, no one noticed I walked out until Dad did.

"Jeffrey, where's Mary Anne?" asked Dad in a whisper.

Jeffrey noticed I wasn't there and said, "Kaylee, did Mary Anne walk out?"

"She must have. I didn't even notice that," replied Kaylee.

"Excuse me, I'll go see where she is," said Dad in a low voice as he got up. "I got a feeling this was too much painful for her to handle."

Out in the lobby, I was still sobbing while sitting on the floor with my heads near my legs. When Dad came out, he noticed that as he went over and sat next to me.

"Are you alright now, honey?" asked Dad.

"I just couldn't handle it in there," I replied while I was still bawling. "I came out so I won't embarrass myself in there."

"It's going to be okay," said Dad putting his hand around me and I hugged him.

"The wake just bothers me," I said. "I just want to go back to the apartment. Would Jeffrey mind if I do that? I don't want to stay here any longer."

"I don't think he'll mind. Let me go tell him," said Dad as he got up and went inside to Jeffrey. "Mary Anne asked me if she can go back to the apartment. She couldn't handle the wake any longer."

"Okay. I don't blame her. I can go bring her there and come back here since the wake would be done soon," said Jeffrey.

"Thank you," said Dad.

At the apartment, I ran into the room and shut the door. Later, when the others returned, I didn't come out. I was still weeping.

"I wonder how Mary Anne is doing," said Dad.

"I can go see her," said Kristy.

In the room, I didn't heard anyone knock when Kristy came in noticing I was curled up in a ball crying. She sat next to me.

"Are you going to be okay?" asked Kristy.

"I just couldn't stay at the wake," I replied as I sat up wiping my tears. "I don't think I'll go to the funeral or see Kayla get buried. It would be too emotional for me. I don't want to get depressed all over again."

"I get what you're saying," said Kristy.

"At least I'd still have you, Dawn, and Kaylee as my best friends, but it wouldn't be the same without Kayla," I said.

"We can all help you get better. I promise you that," said Kristy comforting me.

"Thanks," I said trying to smile.

Dad came by and said, "How is she doing?"

"I'm still feeling depressed at this moment. I'm not going to the funeral or the burial to get upset all over again," I answered.

"I don't blame you, sweetie. You don't have to if you don't want to. At least you tried the wake though. That's all it matters," said Dad.

"True, I guess," I said.

Even though I went to bed by ten, I didn't even go to sleep right away. I just missed Kayla way too much. I sat up in bed trying not to cry. I was afraid to wake anyone up here even though they wouldn't care.

I almost started sobbing and went out there with tears rolling down. Out there, I was on the couch while I started crying softly. I guess Kaylee knew I was up because she came out and noticed me as she sat on the couch with me. Then, when I noticed her, I hugged her while I was still weeping.

"I noticed you were up, so I figured I'd come out to see if you were okay," said Kaylee putting her arm around me.

"I'm just having a tough time missing Kayla," I said. "You're lucky you got strong quick and you're much stronger than I am. Don't think I'm jealous and I'm not, I just wish I'd be strong like you."

"I'm sure you will one day," said Kaylee.

"I just hope so," I said.

"I know it wasn't easy for me, but I knew Kayla would be in my heart everyday," said Kaylee.

We tried to talk quietly. Dad apparently knew I was up, too and came out to join us.

"Is she okay?" asked Dad.

"I knew she was up and I came out to see if she's alright," said Kaylee.

"And, I just can't stop missing Kayla," I said when I started crying again.

"Oh, honey, it'll be okay," said Dad comforting me.

"Why don't you sleep in my bed? You'll feel better," said Kaylee.

"That's what I did with Meredith. That made me feel better," I said.

I did and I felt a bit better after that.

However, I still stayed behind at the apartment while the others left for the funeral and the burial the next day. They knew I wasn't going. An hour and a half later, Dad came by to see if I want to go to the brunch. I decided to do that. That's what I did. It was being held at the plaza.

"This was where we had the brunch after Granny was being buried," said Kaylee.

"That's true that you guys did," I said.

We didn't go back to the apartment until two hours later. We went back home after that.


	6. Grandma Verna Calls Mary Anne

At home, I was in my room unpacking my suitcase and put it away. I was sitting on my bed after that. I was starting to feel depressed. I think going to the wake got me depressed even more. I regretted with that decision.

That night, I remained in my room.

"It's time for dinner, everyone," said Sharon.

The others went to the table, but I didn't come down though.

"Mary Anne, honey," said Sharon.

Dad got worried about me when I still didn't come down to have supper.

"I bet she's still depressed," said Dad. "I'll go see her. You guys can start without me."

In my room, I was on my bed while being curled up in a ball.

"Mary Anne," said Dad as he knocked on my door and came in as he sat with me. "Dinner's ready."

"I don't want anything right now," I said as I sat up.

"I bet it's still tough on you about Kayla," said Dad as I just nodded.

"I would like to forget her, but it's very hard to do so," I said with tears rolling down.

"I know, sweetie," said Dad putting his hand on my shoulder to comfort me. "Are you sure you don't want anything?"

I just nodded.

"I can come back up to be with you if you like," said Dad.

"Okay," I said trying to smile.

Out there, Dad came back down.

"Isn't she coming down?" asked Sharon.

"No," replied Dad. "You could tell she's still taking it too hard. I told her I'd go see her after dinner."

"That's too bad though," said Meredith.

"I know," agreed Carlos.

The phone rang as Dad got up to answer the phone.

"Hello," said Dad.

"Hello, Richard," said Grandma Verna.

"Oh, hi, Verna, how are you?" asked Dad.

"Good," replied Grandma Verna.

"We're just having dinner," said Dad.

"I'm just calling to talk to Mary Anne," said Grandma Verna.

"I don't think she wants to talk on the phone right now. It has been a rough time for her. Mary Anne learned Kayla died in her sleep when the principal announced at school the other day and she took it very bad," said Dad. "They were very close."

"I thought so. She tried calling me and the message sounded terrible," said my grandmother. "I was away with a friend and I just got back today. That's why I was calling her back."

"Oh, that's right she did," said Dad. "I can try to bring the phone to her."

In my room, Dad came in and said, "It's your grandmother. Do you want to talk to her? She was on vacation and she just got back home today."

"Sure," I said as I sat up to get the phone while Dad left the room. "Hello."

"Hello, dear, your dad was just telling me about your friend. It must be awful," said Grandma Verna.

"Yeah, it is," I said.

"I am sorry for your loss," said Grandma Verna.

"Thanks," I said. "We just got back from New York City. I was able to try the wake last night, but now, I regretted it because it was too much for me, so I didn't even attend the funeral or the burial today."

"That has nothing to do with your decision, honey, you weren't just able to handle it," said Grandma Verna. "At least you tried the wake, that's all it matters."

I realized she was right.

"I know, but I have been depressed ever since Kayla passed away and the wake probably got me upset even more," I said trying not to cry.

"I'm sure it did," said Grandma Verna. "Would you like me to come down to visit you? That's what I'm planning to do anyway. I'll be coming down next weekend starting this Friday."

"Okay, sounds good," I said.

"Michelle's coming with me," said Grandma Verna. "Ella gave her permission."

"Even better," I said,

She has been my friend for quite awhile. She knew Kayla was very sick. They met and they clicked in to be good friends right off the bat. I didn't mind. We had a few things in common. We love to sew, we're into Cam Geary, and here's the weirdest part of all: we happened to share the same birthday! We became friends quickly. She lives in Iowa where Mom grew up. Her mom owns a beauty shop in her own home. Isn't that cool or what?

After we talked, I was still trying not to cry. I got a feeling that talking about Kayla's death is making feel worse.

"All set with the phone?" asked Dad.

"Yes, thanks," I said. "Grandma Verna is coming down tomorrow and Michelle got permission to come as well. They will be here for the rest of the weekend."

"That's good," said Dad.

"I know, I don't think I'll talk about Kayla to Michelle because I don't want to feel worse," I said.

"I'm sure she'd understand about that," said Dad.

"Grandma offered to tell Michelle though and I was okay with it. I think that would be better than feeling worse," I said.

"That's true that could work for you," agreed Dad.

Later, I was still in my room while the rest were downstairs watching a movie.

"Is she going to join us?" asked Sharon.

"She's not in the mood for that," replied my father.

"I'm sure this would cheer her up," said Sharon.

"I know, but we can let her get better first," said Dad. "She's thinking about taking some time off from the studios for awhile so she can cope with the loss."

"She is?" asked my stepmom as he nodded.

"I don't blame her. She wasn't sure how she can focus there while missing Kayla," said Dad.

"Oh, I know what you mean," said Sharon.


	7. Mary Anne and Michelle Exchange Stories

I haven't been in school again all this week. When Friday came, I was in my room when Grandma Verna came that afternoon with Michelle. That was a few hours after Michelle got out of school for the weekend.

"How's Mary Anne this afternoon?" asked Grandma Verna.

"She's still a bit depressed," replied Dad. "She has been too upset for school."

"Mrs. Baker told me about what happened. I felt so bad for Mary Anne," said Michelle. "She must be taking it real tough losing a best friend."

"She did took it bad," said Dad. "I know she might not talk about it much to get depressed even more."

"I don't blame her," said Michelle. "May I go see her?"

"Sure you can," answered Dad. "She's in her room."

In my room, I was on my bed when Michelle knocked on my door and came in.

"Hi," said Michelle.

I looked and said, "Hi, Michelle."

"How are you doing these days?" asked Michelle as she sat with me.

"I've been down in the dumps," I answered.

"I'm sorry to hear about what happen," said Michelle. "I felt so bad for you when your grandmother told me."

"Thanks," I said. "I miss Kayla. She was my best friend."

"I bet. I know how you feel. I lost a best friend two years before I met you. She struggled with the same illness like Kayla did," said Michelle.

"She did?" I asked.

"Yes, her name was Madeline. I took it bad, too and I was depressed for two weeks. My brothers liked her a lot and they both felt bad for me," said Michelle.

"How did you find out?" I asked.

"I was by her side at the hospital when she died and I didn't want to leave her at all. I didn't want to attend the wake, the funeral, or the burial. That's how depressed I was," explained Michelle. "She had cancer for six months and she was in stage one when she found out about it."

"The principal announced Kayla died in her sleep at home while I was in school. I haven't gotten to school ever since," I said. "I went to the wake, but it got me upset even more, so I didn't attend the funeral or the burial the following day."

I was glad that Michelle knew on how I feel about losing a best friend. I was sure that wouldn't make me depressed as much.

"I decided to take some time off from the studios for awhile to give me some time to recover," I said. "I might go back at the beginning of next month."

"I don't blame you," said Michelle.

"Neither did Dad," I said. "I already told Cam to give me time off from the studios and he didn't blame me for that either. He already knew about Kayla's death."

That night, they were going out for supper, but I still wasn't in the mood to go _any_where.

"How come Mary Anne isn't joining us?" asked Sharon.

"Just give her more time. She's still not in the mood right now," said Dad.

"This is family time," said Sharon.

"I was the same way when I lost my best friend two years before meeting Mary Anne. I was depressed to go anywhere myself. I told her I know how she feels," said Michelle. "Mom didn't mind at the time. Madeline and I had been best friends for a long time since we were preschoolers."

"I remember that year. Madeline was a nice girl," said Grandma Verna. "Her mother and Ella are good friends."

Later, they came back two hours later.

"I'll go see how Mary Anne is," said Dad.

In my room, I was curled up in a ball on my bed when Dad came in.

"How are you doing tonight?" asked my father as he sat on the bed with me.

"Feeling worse," I replied. "I hate feeling depressed like this. Michelle didn't make it happen. I just miss Kayla way too much."

"I know, sweetie," said Dad comforting me.


	8. The Fair

In the middle of the night, I couldn't go to sleep at all. I can not stop thinking about Kayla.

I sat up in bed with tears started to fill up. I tried not to cry. I got up and came downstairs to the living room wiping my tears. Dad probably knew I was up because he didn't see me in my room. Just Michelle who was sharing my room with me during her visit.

"Where's Mary Anne?" asked Dad.

That was when Michelle noticed I wasn't in bed.

"I didn't hear her get up," said Michelle.

"I should go see where she is," said Dad.

Downstairs, I was still in the living room. I was on the couch when Dad came down and noticed me there sobbing.

"Are you okay, honey?" asked Dad as he sat with me.

"I couldn't sleep that's all," I said wiping my tears. "I just miss Kayla so much."

"It's going to be alright," said Dad comforting me. "I bet that would be tough for you for quite awhile."

I nodded. "The toughest part is we were very close. We were attached to one another."

"That's true. That can be very hard for anyone when they're super close," said Dad.

I hugged him tightly while I was still crying.

"I'll never forget her, not ever," I said.

"I know, sweetheart," said Dad.

The next day, I remained in my room and didn't come out when everyone else got up.

"Isn't Mary Anne up? It's almost time for breakfast," said Sharon.

"She's up, but she's still upset this morning," said Michelle.

"Does she want anything right now?" asked Dad.

"She's too depressed at this moment," replied Michelle.

"I should go see her after this," said Dad.

After breakfast, Dad came in when he noticed me on my bed while I was weeping.

"Are you going to be okay now?" asked Dad as he sat with me.

"I just hate feeling like this. I still miss Kayla terribly," I said.

"I know, honey," said Dad stroking my hair.

Later, I did not feel like talking to _any_one. I was too upset to come down for lunch.

"Aren't you worried Mary Anne might get sick if she doesn't eat anything?" asked Sharon.

"She's still too depressed. You can't force her," said Dad.

The doorbell rang and Dad answered the door.

"Hi," said Kristy.

"Hi, Kristy," said Dad.

"How's Mary Anne's been doing?" asked Kristy.

"She's still depressed at this moment," replied Dad.

"The other girls have been worried about her since she hasn't been hanging-out with us," said Kristy.

"She hasn't been in the mood to go anywhere," said Dad.

"I'm sure that can make her feel a little better," said Kristy.

"You can try to do so," said Dad. "She's in her room."

In my room, Kristy knocked on my door and came in to me.

"Hi," said Kristy.

I looked and said, "Hi, Kristy."

"Do you want to try to hang out with us?" asked Kristy. "Perhaps that can cheer you up a little."

"Maybe," I said.

"Michelle can join us," said Kristy.

"I could try that," I said. "Where do you have in mind anyway?"

"We're thinking of doing very special for Kayla to keep her in our memories especially yours," said Kristy. "You can join us if you want to."

"Sure, I guess," I said uncertain that would help me out.

Michelle was able to hang out with us. She and Grandma Verna would be leaving tomorrow. But hanging out with the other girls didn't help too much.

"There's a fair at the park. We can go there," said Dawn.

"Dawn, don't even mention it," said Kristy.

"Yeah, to make Mary Anne upset even more," added Claudia.

"But there's a surprise when we get there," said Dawn.

At the park, I noticed that the fair was to honor in Kayla. Her whole family was there.

"See?" asked Dawn.

"Are you sure that would be a good idea for Mary Anne to join us?" asked Kristy.

"She can try," said Dawn.

I almost managed to spend some time at the fair.

"You can help out with the tickets for the rides if you like," said Kaylee.

"Sure," I said trying to be cheerful.

But the hardest part for me is to hold back tears. An hour later, I got up to take a break.

"I think I'll just go back home for awhile. I just can't stay any longer," I told Kaylee.

"Okay, no problem," said Kaylee.

She understood why I decided to go fair: the terrible memory was coming back to me.


	9. Mary Anne Visits Dr Reece

"Where did Mary Anne go?" asked Kristy who noticed I left.

"She couldn't stay here any longer. She wanted to go back home early," replied Kaylee.

"I knew she just couldn't," said Kristy.

"Me, too," said Kaylee. "I understand about that."

At home, I was out back on the hammock. That was when Dad noticed and came out.

"You're back early," said Dad as he sat near me.

"We went to the fair. Dawn mention it on the way there. They were doing that in keep Kayla in memories. I nearly managed to stay there most of the time, but I just couldn't remain there any longer. Kaylee didn't mind me coming back home," I said. "I tried so hard to hold back tears, but it failed."

"Oh," said Dad.

"I just hate it when the fair memory bothers me," I said.

"I know, honey," said Dad stroking my hair.

"Kristy knew that might not be a good idea for me to remain there and told Dawn not to mention it," I added.

"I agree with Kristy since the fair memory makes it harder for you to forget about it," said Dad.

"I don't understand why I can't be strong like Kaylee," I said. "That's so unfair. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous of her, she's just lucky."

"I'm sure you'll be strong, too. It just takes some time," said Dad.

"I just hope so," I said.

I cannot wait to start seeing Dr. Reece so I can feel better. I am_ so_ tired of being depressed. That night, I was in my room.

"Time for dinner," said Sharon.

Everyone else went down, but I didn't.

"Mary Anne, supper's ready," said Sharon.

"She must be still depressed at the moment," said Dad.

"Aren't you worried she'd get sick since she hasn't been eating for days?" asked my stepmother.

"She'll feel better when she starts seeing Dr. Reece tomorrow," said Dad. "I'll go see her after dinner."

After supper, I was still in my room sitting on my bed. That was when Dad knocked on my door and came in to be with me.

"Are you going to be alright now?" asked Dad.

"Missing Kayla still hurts," I replied.

"I bet," said Dad.

"I'll be so glad going see Dr. Reece tomorrow," I said.

"I know," said Dad comforting me.

In the middle of the night, I was wide awake. I got up to go over to Dad's room.

"Dad," I said.

That was when he noticed me and said, "Are you okay, honey? It's late."

"I couldn't sleep. I still miss Kayla terribly," I said.

"It'll be alright now," said Dad. "I bet you'll forget all this after you see Dr. Reece."

The next day, I was getting ready to go see Dr. Reece.

"I'll be back later, Michelle," I said.

"That's fine," said Michelle.

I left to go Dr. Reece's office. When I checked myself in, I sat down.

"How are you doing?" asked the receptionist.

"Not too well. I just lost a best friend to leukemia," I said.

"Oh, that's a shame," said the receptionist.

"Yeah," I agreed.

Two minutes later, Dr. Reece came in and said, "Hi, Mary Anne."

"Hi," I said.

"Come on," said Dr. Reece as we went to her office and sat down. "How have you been up to?"

"Depressed," I replied. "Kayla Willis just died after struggling with luekemia."

"Why don't you tell me about it?" asked Dr. Reece.

"For starters, I spent the day at her house. Kaylee was with us, too," I said. "We spent the day watching movies and having a picnic in their living room. I stayed there until around dinnertime."

"That's good. You have been helpful during Kayla's illness," said Dr. Recess.

"Yeah. And, then, when I went to school the following day, I didn't see Kayla. I just figured she was tired since leukemia does that to her often. But... the principal made an announcement to head for the auditorium. I was getting nervous. When I went to sit with my friends, I realized Kaylee wasn't there, either. I had knots in my stomach thinking it wasn't a good sign. Sure enough, that was when I learned Kayla had died in her sleep that morning," I said trying not to start crying. "Luckily, a teacher suggested I should go home because I was worried my grades might go down if I didn't pay attention in class."

"That must have been very hard on you," said Dr. Reece.

"It has been. I haven't gone to school at all," I replied. "I became depressed ever since. When Dad showed me the death notice, I wanted to keep that part. I wasn't sure if I would go to any funeral services. I had the guts to go to the wake that was held in New York City since she grew up there before moving here. It bothered me so much that I was crying and walked out to the lobby. I was able to get back to the apartment. I didn't bother going to the funeral or the burial the following day. I regretted the decision, but my grandmother said it had nothing to do with my decision, I just couldn't handle it. I realized she was right. I still got depressed when we got back home. I haven't eaten for days because I was too upset. I just decided to take some time off from the studios until I get recovered. I haven't gone to school because I was still afraid if I don't pay attention in my classes, I could fail. Dad didn't blame me for that."

"I bet," agreed Dr. Reece.

"My friend, Michelle, knew what I was going through. She had already lost a best friend to the same illness two years before she met me," I said.

"That was a good thing to know," said Dr. Reece.

"I know, but that didn't help me too much. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming it on Michelle. I was still feel very emotional ever since Kayla's death," I said. "I don't know what should I do to get over it quickly. Kaylee is stronger than I am. I'm not jealous or anything. I just want to be strong, too."

"You can do a journal about good memories you had with her. Sweep away the bad ones," suggested Dr. Reece.

"Would that work for me?" I asked.

"You can try doing that," said Dr. Reece.

After we talked, I started to feel a little better. I could try writing down memories in a journal. I think I did that last time when Amelia died. I just hope that would make me feel better and forget Kayla.


	10. Mary Anne's Bad Day

After that, I bought a journal to keep Kayla in memories. At home, I was in my room. I wasn't sure what to write. Dad knocked on my door and came in to be with me.

"How did it go with Dr. Reece today?" asked Dad.

"Good. She said I can do a journal so I can keep Kayla in mind," I said.

"That's a good idea to do," agreed Dad.

"I just hope it would work," I said. "I just don't know what to write."

"Maybe you can do more than a journal. Perhaps you can do a scrapbook," said Dad.

"Really? Would that work, too?" I asked.

"Yes," replied Dad.

"Perhap I can see if Kaylee would like to help out if she wants," I said.

"That's a nice idea," said Dad. "She wouldn't mind helping you out to keep her sister in her memories as well."

"May I go ask her now?" I asked.

"Of course," replied Dad.

I took off to tell Kaylee the idea Dad came up with.

"I was told to keep a journal and he said I can do more than a journal, I can also do a scrapbook," I said. "Would you like to help out?"

"Sure!" exclaimed Kaylee excitedly. "We can do both a journal and a scrapbook."

"That's what I thought," I said as we giggled.

Later, Michelle and Grandma Verna told me they are leaving the day after tomorrow since they extanded their visit, so Michelle had permission to miss only two school days.

"Why don't you be with us before we leave?" asked Grandma Verna.

"Okay. I'm still seeing Dr. Reece though," I said.

"No problem," said Grandma Verna.

That night, at dinner, I was starting to feel miserable. Here's why I was feeling that way.

"You need to get over Kayla for once," said Dawn.

"Leave Mary Anne alone," said Dad.

"What?" asked Dawn.

"You heard me. You can't expect her to do so," said Dad.

"Yeah, she's still having a tough time missing her best friend," added Meredith.

"Just get over it," said Dawn.

"May I leave the table?" I asked.

"Sure you can," replied my father.

I left the table and went up to my room.

"What happen to the real Dawn who was being supportive to Mary Anne? You felt bad for her when Kayla died and now, you're telling her to get over Kayla?" asked Sharon.

"Are you trying to make her feel depressed all over again? She's trying to recover from it," said Dad.

The next day, I tried to be happy around Grandma Verna and Michelle, but it was very tough. Whenever they tried to talk to me, I accidentally snapped at them without thinking about it. I never did that before. Even when Dawn tells me to get over it, I'd lose my temper. I didn't swear though. I stormed off to my room to be alone.

"Is she alright?" asked Grandma Verna.

"She's probably still depressed," said Dad.

"I never seen her snap," said Grandma Verna.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure she didn't mean to. I think she was just mad at Dawn when she was told to get over it, that's all," said Dad.

"I thought she'd be with us since we're leaving tomorrow," said Grandma Verna.

"She'll come around when she's calm," said Dad.

"I'll go talk to her," said Michelle.

In my room, I was on my bed while I was sobbing. I just had a** BIG** fight with Kristy by snapping at her and now, she won't talk to me or answer my text. I felt so bad about that. That's how the fight started. I thought she would know what was wrong with me.

"Mary Anne," said Michelle as she knocked on my door and came in to keep me company. "Are you alright now?"

I told her about what happened.

"I felt so bad about doing that," I said. "I never knew depression can cause anyone to snap by accident."

"I know," said Michelle.

At least she knew on how I feel.

"I understand what was happening to you. I acted the same way you did while I was depressed. I would snap at my mother and older brothers," said Michelle.

"You did?" I asked as she nodded. "Did they knew why you did that?"

"Yes," replied Michelle. "I would feel bad about it, too."

"I'm still glad you know what I'm going through like a true best friend," I said trying to smile a bit. "I hope Kristy would understand about this."

"I'm sure she will," said Michelle stroking my hair.

"I also hope she doesn't turn all of my friends against me," I said. "I should talk to her before she does that."

Later, I found out Kristy did turn our friends against me. That was before I get a chance to talk to her. The only person who refused to do so was Kaylee. She didn't want to do that to me. I was with her at the time.

"Depression can do that, too, you know," Kaylee told Kristy. "Don't you see what was happening to Mary Anne? She's still very upset about Kayla's death, so don't you dare make our own friends turn against my best friend otherwise, I'll never talk to you again."

"She already did before I could get a chance to talk to her," I said. "How can you do that to me? I didn't mean to snap. It's not my fault I'm depressed. I'm seeing Dr. Reece. I'm sure I'll be a new person after I stop seeing her."

"Snapping at your friends is still bad," said Kristy.

"Michelle knows how I feel. She told me she did the same thing to her mother and brothers when she lost her best friend of the same illness Kayla had. That made me feel good about it. She knows what I'm going through," I said. "Think of it this way: if _you_ ever lose a best friend or a family member and you'd snap, I'd understand how you feel like true friends do."

Luckily for me, that got Kristy understand my problem and forgave me. I'm glad that was over. All of my friends understood about it and forgave me as well.


	11. Grandma Verna Talks to Mary Anne

That night, at dinner, I didn't eat much. I have been losing my appetite. I was also very quiet.

"Are you okay, peanut?" asked Dad who noticed that.

"I'm just not hungry. May I leave the table please?" I asked.

"Of course," said Dad.

I got up for my room. I feel bad for not being a good guest while Grandma Verna and Michelle, but I just feel lost without Kayla.

"She's not a very good company to be with us," said Grandma Verna.

"Why did you say that about my best friend for? She's still upset about Kayla. I was like that when Madeline died, too. Mom and the boys were the ones who understood my feelings. You made me feel guilty when you mentioned that to my mom during my depression. I know how that feels. Didn't you feel that way when you lost your best friend? I remember your reaction when Bob told you about his grandmother's death," said Michelle. "You know what? It's really sad that I'm the only one who knows what she's going through besides Carlos and Meredith."

"I agree with Michelle," said Meredith.

"Me, too," added Carlos.

"Want me to go see if Mary Anne's okay?" asked Michelle. "I'm done anyway."

"Go ahead," replied my dad.

In my room, I was on my bed crying when Michelle came in to be with me and I hugged her.

"It'll be okay," said Michelle.

"I just miss Kayla. Why did Grandma say I'm not a good company to be with?" I asked.

"Wait a minute. You heard her say that?" asked Michelle as I nodded.

"That's making me feel bad. She doesn't care on how I feel," I said. "At least you do."

"I know," agreed Michelle.

"Why can't she understand I'm having a tough time? Besides, she was the one who said regretting the wake had nothing to do with my decision, I just couldn't handle it," I said. "What happen there?"

"You got a good point," said Michelle.

Dad, who was done with his meal, knocked on my door and came in and said, "How is she?"

"She's still upset. She also heard what your mother-in-law said," said Michelle.

"Oh, really?" asked Dad who was shocked.

"Mrs. Baker should understand what she's going through right now," said Michelle. "It's not Mary Anne's fault that Kayla's dead. There's nothing she can do about it."

"I agree with you," said Dad. "I'll go talk to Verna about this."

"What Mary Anne doesn't understand is that your mother-in-law was the one who said regretting the wake had nothing to do with Mary Anne's tough decision, she just couldn't handle it," said Michelle.

"I agree with you. Excuse me," said Dad as he left my room.

Out there, Dad came down and said, "Verna, you and I need to talk in my den."

"What about?" asked Grandma Verna.

"Just come with me please," said Dad.

In the den, they sat down.

"Michelle was telling me that Mary Anne heard what you said and she's very hurt about it. It's not that she's not a good company, she's just having trouble accepting Kayla's death. They have been best friends since Kayla moved here with her family. That's why Mary Anne took it very bad. They were very close. And, I'm sure she will be a better person after she sees Dr. Reese. You need to understand about that," said Dad. "There's nothing you can do about it. Michelle's the one who has been going to Mary Anne when you both came to support her, but you didn't. What Michelle said earlier is correct. Carlos and Meredith knew how she felt. They lost their families. They felt the same way. Mary Anne helped Meredith out when she learned about the death of her mother and sister. She even went to London with Meredith for the funeral to support her. Mary Anne probably thought you're here to support her, too. Why did you think you and Michelle came down for? For nothing? Besides, didn't you tell her that regretting the wake had nothing to do with her decision, she just couldn't handle it when you spoke to her on the phone?"

"I thought Mary Anne would be with us to make her feel better," said Grandma Verna.

"She hasn't been in the mood to go places," said Dad. "Michelle is a good friend and cares about Mary Anne's feelings. You should go talk to her, too, and apologize while you're at it. You're the one who took her in after Alma died when I couldn't raise my daughter for awhile, remember?"

That probably got Grandma Verna to understand what Dad told her because she came up and knocked on the door.

Michelle came to open the door a bit and said, "Are you coming in to say your sorry for upsetting your own granddaughter? Mary Anne is very hurt because what you said."

"I'm just in here to talk to her," said Grandma Verna.

"And, owe her an apology?" asked Michelle.

I was facing the other way when Grandma Verna came in and sat with me.

"Look, I'm sorry about what I said about you," said Grandma Verna.

I turned my head to her and said, "I'm trying to accept that Kayla is dead. What you really said about me not for being a good company made me feel bad. I just miss Kayla."

"Can you forgive me?" asked Grandma Verna.

"Only if you don't say that about me again," I replied.

"I promise," said Grandma Verna.

I sat up to hug her.

"I'm just lucky to have Michelle as my friend since she knew how I feel," I said. "I just never knew she had a best friend."

"She never brings it up. When you met her, she was really happy to have a best friend again. Like you, she might get upset if she mentions it to anyone," said Grandma Verna.

"She didn't get upset when she told me about it though," I said. "I'm glad I have three other best friends, but nothing would be the same without Kayla. I just don't like feeling this way."

"I know," said Grandma Verna.


	12. Michelle's Advice for Mary Anne

At midnight, I couldn't sleep as I got up and came downstairs where Dad was in the living room.

"Dad," I said.

That was when he saw me and said, "Are you okay, sweetie? It's too late for you to stay up."

"I still couldn't sleep. I still miss Kayla," I said as I sat with Dad.

"I bet," said Dad putting his arm around me to comfort me.

"It's hard to get over it," I said while my tears started to flow.

"It'll be alright," said Dad.

When Dad and I went to bed, I tried to think happy thoughts about Kayla to help me fall asleep, but it was hard to do that. A few hours later, I still couldn't sleep. I was facing the other way. Michelle probably heard me crying softly because she got up to sit with me.

"Are you alright?" asked Michelle.

"I just couldn't forget Kayla," I replied wiping my tears and hugged her.

"I bet," agreed Michelle comforting me. "I can call you daily to see how you're doing."

"I like that idea," I said trying to cheer up a bit.

That made me sleep a bit better.

"Just remember this: Kayla would be your guardian angel," said Michelle.

"I never thought about that," I said.

"You can try to do so. You can be with me in my bed if you want to," said Michelle.

Dad probably heard us because he came in.

"Are you okay, honey?" asked Dad as he sat with me.

"She couldn't sleep," said Michelle. "She's about to sleep in the bed with me."

"Okay," said Dad.

"I just told her Kayla could be Mary Anne's guardian angel. No matter where she goes," said Michelle.

"That would be a nice idea for her to remember that," agreed Dad.

"How would that work for me?" I asked.

"You can try to do that. I bet Dr. Reece would agree with Michelle," said Dad.

"I pretended Madeline's with me by using her as my guardian angel and it worked out for me," said Michelle. "I still miss her at times, but not as much."

"Do you still want to stay in here with Michelle or do you want to be with me?" asked Dad.

"I'll stay here with Michelle," I replied.

"Okay," said Dad while he was comforting me.

The next day, I was still sleeping when Michelle and Grandma Verna left to take a eight o'clock flight.

"How come she didn't get up to say good-bye to us?" asked Grandma Verna.

"She had a rough night," said Dad. "I decided to let her sleep this morning. She might be tired if she gets up now."

"I don't mind, she was with me," said Michelle. "She slept better after that. I told her I can call her daily just to see how she's doing. She liked that idea."

"That's a good idea. You're a good friend to support Mary Anne that way," said Dad.

"Mom always supported me through a tough time," said Michelle. "She was the one who said I can use Madeline as my guardian angel. I never knew everyone has one until then. I was too young to remember my grandmother- the one who gave the beauty shop to Mom. I was only three. My father was still with us."

"Do you usually hear from him?" asked Dad.

"Not really. His phone got discontinued. The last time I talked to him on the phone was three years ago. He never even called me after Madeline died. That's how I found out his phone got discontinued when I called him one day during my depression. I always talk to him whenever I'm upset and he always make me feel better," said Michelle. "He doesn't own a cell phone or a computer. But I didn't even care. I was mad about that part though. At least I still had my mom to help me through. Even Michael and Lucas helped me out."

"I'm sure you were," said Dad. "Did they knew about Kayla?"

"They were on a vacation with their school. They're due to be back this weekend, so I might as well tell them when they return. They liked Kayla, too. I'm sure they both might want to talk Mary Anne to support her as well," said Michelle.

That was when taxi came to take them to the airport. I was still asleep at the time. I didn't even get up until it was almost noon, but I still didn't want to have anything. Luckily, the school was closed because the heater broke, so I was relieved about not going to school this week since the heater guy was on vacation until on Monday.


	13. The Scrapbook

The receptionist called me saying Dr. Reece would be leaving early today because she has a doctor's appointment at two and I see her at around three. She was already booked before she would leave, so I'd be seeing her tomorrow. That afternoon, I was in my room sitting on my bed crying while I was being curled up like a ball.

"Mary Anne," said Dad as he knocked on my door and came in to be with me. "Are you okay now, sweetie?"

"I could feel my heart is breaking after missing Kayla too much," I said as I sat up. "It just hurts."

"I bet," said Dad.

"This still reminds me on how I reacted about Amelia's death unexpectedly," I said. "At least I was able to forget her right away. Why can't I just do the same to Kayla? It's just so hard to do so."

"I know," said Dad stroking my hair.

"Kaylee is so lucky to forget her sister so fast," I said. "I want to be strong, too. I know I kept saying that, but it bothers me."

"It'll be alright," said Dad putting his arm around me.

That was when I started sobbing again while I hugged him.

"I just miss Kayla," I said.

"I know, honey," said Dad.

That night, I was too upset to have anything for supper. Later, I was in the living room watching that DVD Kayla and Kaylee made me for Christmas recently. I had the TV on low. My song, _Angels_, is on it. I recorded that a year ago when I first started with Cam.

"Where's Mary Anne? It's after ten," said Sharon who was looking for me.

"She must be downstairs or something," said Meredith.

"I'll go see where she is," said Dad.

I was still watching the DVD when Dad saw me.

"It's late, it's time for bed," said Dad.

"Do you mind if I finish watching this first? I figured I'd watch the DVD to cheer me up a bit," I said.

"Okay, that's fine," said Dad.

"I still plan to keep the DVD so I can pretend Kayla's still here with me," I said.

"That's another idea to do," said Dad with a grin.

When the DVD was over, I put the DVD back in the case and shut the TV off before I went to bed. Two hours later, I was wide awake. I just miss Kayla way too much. I got up and came downstairs. I was in the living room when Dad spotted me from the kitchen as he came in to me.

"It's too late for you to stay up. Are you okay, peanut?" asked Dad as he sat on the couch with me.

"I just couldn't sleep," I replied. "I still miss Kayla."

"Like Michelle mentioned before, you can use Kayla as a guardian angel," said Dad.

"I hope that would work out for me," I said.

"I'm sure it will, it'll probably take awhile for you to accept that," said Dad.

"I'm just tired of being depressed," I said.

"I know, it'll be alright," said Dad.

Dad decided to be in the bedroom with me and made me, well, feel a bit better, but not too much. At least I was able to sleep better.

The next day, I was in the waiting room at Dr. Reece's office when she came in.

"Hello, dear, come on," said Dr. Reece as we went into the office. "How are you have been doing?"

"Not well. I haven't been sleeping too well these nights. I still can't seem to forget Kayla," I admitted. "I'm not even in the mood to start any journal or scrapbook at the moment."

"You can still try to keep yourself busy doing that," said Dr. Reece.

"I hope that would help me out, I still miss her terribly," I said.

"I bet you do and that's normal," said Dr. Reece.

After that, Kaylee wanted to start the scrapbook with me and I decided to agree to do it.

"We can both make one. One can be for me and the other one can be for you," said Kaylee.

"Okay," I said.

I bet she and I will be closer than ever. She actually forgot all about Kayla because she knew Kayla's still alive.

"How do you manage to pretend Kayla's still alive?" I asked.

"Well, it's easy. I know she's in my heart every day and in my thoughts, so that way I'll keep her in my memories," said Kaylee.

"You're lucky that you managed to forget about Kayla," I said. "I wish I could be strong like you. I still miss her a lot."

"I'm sure you will one day," said Kaylee.

"It's weird that I'm not even jealous, I just can't seem to accept her death," I said.

"It's okay to admit if you were jealous," said Kaylee. "I would understand about that."

"I'm not though, which is very strange," I said.

After we did the scrapbooks, they looked very nice.

"I can't wait to show mine to Dad," I said.

"Do you still plan to do a journal on Kayla?" asked Kaylee.

"Yes," I said. "I'll just put good memories, not the terrible ones especially the fair. The bad ones may make me feel too emotional."

"That's a good idea to take away any bad memories," said Kaylee.

"I might to do it when I'm in the mood to be honest with you," I said.

"That's okay. There's no rush to do so," said Kaylee.

At home, I was looking through my new scrapbook enjoying it. I was sure this would cheer me up.

"Schools are reopening tomorrow since the heater guy fixed the heat," said Dawn.

"That's good to know," I said not even looking up.

"You don't look excited about that," said Dawn.

"I'm just worried about my grades, that's all. I'm afraid if I don't pay attention in my classes, my grades could drop," I said.

"You can try go to school," said my sister.

"Maybe," I said.

"You're not even looking at me," said Dawn.

"Oh, I'm just looking through the new scrapbook I just made with Kaylee. She made one for herself," I said.

I decided to plan a journal. I only got one about Amelia, so I'll buy one tomorrow to write good memories about Kayla. Later, I showed Dad the new scrapbook.

"They looked very nice," said Dad.

"I know," I agreed. "I'm planning to buy a journal so I can write best memories Kayla and I had together."

"That's a good idea to do," said Dad.

"I'm not even writing any bad ones, including the fair memory and her death. They would be too much for me. I don't dare to be depressed even more," I continued.

"I don't blame you," said Dad.

"Kaylee agreed with me on that, too," I said.


	14. The Journal

The next day, I was at a store getting a journal. I had an hour before seeing Dr. Reese. I might do the journal before or after seeing her. I'll have time either way. Maybe I'll think first while I see Dr. Reese.

At Dr. Reese's, I was telling her I decided to do a journal later so I can add any good memories about Kayla.

"I'm leaving the bad ones out," I continued. "Dad and Kaylee didn't blame me for that. I don't want to feel emotional if I do that."

"That's a good idea," the therapist agreed.

"I know," I said. "We made a scrapbook yesterday after I saw you. It came out real nice. I didn't bring it to show it to you. Dad liked it."

"That's great," Dr. Reese said.

"I'm glad that watching the DVD would cheer me a bit, but it gets me emotional sometimes," I said. "I'm just still having trouble adjusting Kayla's death."

"I'm sure the scrapbook, the journal, and the DVD would make you feel better in no time," Dr. Reese said.

"I hope so," I said. "I still feel depressed though."

Later, I was in my room thinking of good memories I had with Kayla. Then, I had an idea what to do. I can write a story in the journal. Perhaps that can be turn into a real book someday in the future. I was debating to add the fundraiser after she had the leukemia, but I'm not adding how she got cancer again.

_I remember when I met Kayla Willis at Stoneybrook Middle School while she was being bullied because she was African-American and I stood up for her. She thanked me and we clicked in to be good friends right off the bat. I also met her twin, Kaylee, in the lunchroom and we became good friends, too. I would never forget that day at all. We started talking on the phone later that evening. It was really nice. Kayla thanked me again for standing up for her. Besides Kaylee, there are six other siblings. They're even from New York City and live just three houses down from me! _

That was done for now. I'll continue it later so I can take a break. I'm starting to feel better doing it. At least the scrapbook started to make me feel better, too, so far. It's very hard to forget a best friend.

I showed Dad what I wrote so far.

"That's a nice way to start a journal," Dad said.

"I know," I agreed.

However, I still wasn't in the mood to have anything at all. I managed to continue the journal and finsh one page. The next day, I spent most of the day doing the journal until it was almost time to go see Dr. Reese.

At her office, I showed her the journal.

"That's very nice," the therapist commented.

"Thanks," I said, "I did most of it until I stopped to come here."

"That's very good on what you do," Dr. Reece said.

"I know," I commented.

Later, at home, I continued to do my journal for a bit longer. I still wasn't recovered to attend the Baby-Sitters Club meeting just yet. I'm glad Kristy understands about that. I just wanted to give myself more time to get better. I am afraid that I could make a scheduling mistake and I don't want that to happen at all.

I kept doing my journal until I completed it and yes, I did left all of the bad memories out like I planned- including when I almost lost her, but luckily she was living longer because of the cancer treatments. There was no way I'd let them get me depressed all over again. That's all I need. Stoneybrook High School is due to reopen tomorrow because the heater guy returned early, but I'm not so sure if I should try to go because I'm concerned about my grades.

Perhaps Dad would know what to do. He _always_ help me out and that makes me feel good. I did ask him on what I should do.

"I don't know if I should try to pretend Kayla is still alive, it just feels weird without her at school since she sits next to me in all of my classes," I said.

"You can give that a try, sweetie," Dad said. "I'm sure that would make you feel better."

"I'm just worried about my grades, which is why I'm not sure if I should try to go back to school even though I was glad it was closed this week due to a broken heater," I said.

That night, I heard the heater guy had a headache and didn't fix the heater just yet, so I was glad about that. He should fix the heater tomorrow when he gets better. Later, I decided to read my journal to make me feel better about Kayla. I kept reading until it was time for bed.

But I didn't sleep much later that evening. I kept thinking about Kayla. I did try to fall asleep, but I would toss and turn in bed for more than two hours and woke up. That's how I miss her terribly. I thought the journal would make me feel better, but not quite yet. Why can't I just accept her death like Kaylee did?

At least she knows I'm not exactly jealous of her. Secretly, I am jealous, but I never told her because I didn't want to lose her as my best friend. But I'm sure she'd tell me that she's glad if I admitted it. Honestly, I'm not ready to mention it yet.


	15. Mary Anne's Worst Day

The next day, the heater got fixed and is now reopen, so I decided to take a chance and go to school. Unfortunately, that didn't work too well. Why? My grades dropped to Ds in every class and the math teacher makes things worse- he does not care on how I was feeling. Only my English teacher came out to me after school and asked me how I was doing.

"Not well, I'm still a bit depressed. I thought coming to school would help me forget about Kayla, but it hasn't," I said. "English isn't the only one that grades are dropping, all of my grades are declining. The math teacher doesn't care and he wants me to improve more and even though I told him I was feeling upset about the death of a best friend, he was like, _that's not an excuse_."

"He said that to you?" the English teacher asked in a shocked voice as I nodded. "I'll talk things out with him later and tell him to go easy on you."

"Thanks," I said.

My English teacher cares about me and my feelings. I remember when the other English teacher did in middle school. I learned that I can talk to a teacher that you trust the most like I have been. Sure, the other teachers do care about me, too. The only one who I don't really trust is my math teacher.

Worst of all, most of my friends, including my own stepsister, turned away from me **_again_** earlier. Thank goodness Kaylee would never do that to me. She was walking home with me.

"They didn't see you at lunch," Kaylee said. "They said something you avoided them today."

"What's got that to do with them turning away from me?" I asked. "Just because I'm still trying to recover from Kayla's death?"

"Probably. They almost wanted me to do the same, but I refused to do it," Kaylee replied.

"Good," I said. "I figured you would never do that to me at all. I thought the others were supportive to me. What happen to that? Here we go again."

"Who knows? That's what I said to them. They even made Marci, Patti, and Kathi turn away from you. They didn't want to do that either, but our friends threat them to end friendships if they refuse to do what they say. They still refused to do it," said Kaylee. "Meredith and Carlos did not want to turn away from their own sister. They couldn't believe Dawn was doing that."

I couldn't believe on what I heard from Kaylee. At least she did the right thing by refusing to do the same thing.

At Dr. Reece's office, I told her everything.

"I thought going to school was supposed to help me forget, not make things worse. My grades dropped and my friends turned away from me. Kaylee didn't want to do that. They even made Marci, Kathi, and Patti do the same with a threat saying they'd end friendships with them if they refuse to join in. They still didn't want to anyway," I said. "Thankfully, my English teacher cares about me. She talked to me after school to see how I was doing."

"That's good to know you have a teacher and a friend who care about you," Dr. Reece said.

"I know. My friends are supposed to be supportive like they were before. I wonder what happen to them being that way. If Michelle was here, she won't let that happen to me. She'd be furious at them," I said.

"I know she would be," the therapist agreed.

"I cannot believe my own stepsister, Dawn, would do that to me. She was the one who felt bad for me when we heard the news about Kayla's death," I said. "That's not right."

"I agree with you, dear," Dr. Reece said.

At home, I was in my room being frustrated about today. I tried to keep my cool inside, but I couldn't do that. I kept my temper by doing my homework. Then, I flipped out on Dawn when she got home from baby-sitting two hours later for turning away from me.

"You're the one who avoided us today," Dawn pointed out.

"I can't help it if I'm still grieving. Dad wouldn't like what _you_ did, not me. I'm the one who got upset after I lost a best friend to cancer. Do you realize how hard it is for me?" I asked. "Kaylee didn't turn away from me because she knows that's a not a true friend. You girls were supportive to me. I'm glad Meredith and Carlos also refused to join in."

"But...," Dawn started.

"How would you like it if I did the same thing to you?" I interrupted. "We supported Stacey after her parents got divorced. We didn't turn away from her. I even supported you and Kristy as well after your parents got separated."

After that, I walked away from her. I was in my room petting Tigger who was purring. I'm glad he cares about me. I love it when he comforts me when I feel upset. I was crying. Thankfully, Dawn left for another sitting job and won't return until later on.

Why did it had to be so frustrating for me? Luckily, Dad came home from work. After he put his work stuff, he knocked on my door and came in to sit with me and said, "How did it go today?"

"Awful," All I could reply while I was sobbing.

"Is everything okay, honey?" Dad asked.

"I thought going to school would cheer me up, but instead, my grades went down. The math teacher doesn't care even when I told him I had a hard time to accept the death of my best friend, he didn't call that as an excuse for my grades to go down. I was able to tell that to my English teacher when she asked me how I was doing while I was at my locker after school. She said she would talk things out with him and tell him to go easy on me," I began. "Then, most of my friends turned away just because I didn't feel like being with anyone at lunch. Besides, I was too upset to have anything at that moment."

"They turned away from you again?" Dad asked in his shocked tone.

"Yes, the ones who were supportive at the beginning. Even Dawn did that. She thinks I was the one who kept avoiding them. It's not my fault that I wanted to give myself more time. I needed my space to heal. Luckily, Kaylee, Meredith, and Carlos refused to join in," I continued.

"That's good," Dad said.

"The rest made Marci, Patti, and Kathi turn away from me otherwise the other girls could drop them as their friends," I kept on. "They still didn't want to."

"Oh, I'm sure they won't be like that for long," Dad said.

"I doubt it. I mentioned it to Dr. Reece earlier," I said. "I got so angry that I flipped out on Dawn for turning away from me. I even told her she was the one who felt bad for me after Kayla died. I tried to keep my temper, but it was tough."

"I know, sweetheart," Dad said comforting me.


End file.
